Dealt Hands
by Sharon Doyle
Summary: Maggie's return to Mt. Thomas isn't the joyful reunion she had hoped for.


Title: Dealt Hands  
  
Started: 24th September 2002 Finished: 6th October 2002  
  
It was so easy to walk back into Mt Thomas. Felt like coming home. Which in a way I was. Mt Thomas and all it's inhabitants were such a big part of my life. Kinda like a babies formative years, the Mt Thomas years were mine. Those years where you're not young and stupid but old enough to work through things and find out what's important to you. Mind you, that said, we still had fun, me and the crew.  
  
Since Mt Thomas, well it's not been all beer and skittles. They told me that Dad went to jail. I just wanted to see him. He'd lost Mum and Robbie, thought he'd lost me. And Mick, well he was still Dad's son. I wanted to see him, so badly, but they couldn't risk my life. They wouldn't listen to me, told them I didn't care, my dad needed me. But I was too important to the drug bust, my evidence would put a lot of people away for a lot of years. So, my knowledge in the case and my life was on hold.  
  
Dad didn't stay in jail long, just long enough for the people in the drug ring to think it was all legit, think that dad killed Mick and that I was dead and they could go on their merry way. They promised me it wouldn't take long, a couple of months. Those couple of months turned into five long years. Everything and everyone I'd ever cared about, poof, gone.  
  
And after five years what do you do? What choices are there? Try and make a new life for yourself or reclaim your old one? It was a tough decision. And I tried the easy road. Didn't work though. It was hard coming back from England, they'd done a video link up for the trial, they wouldn't even have me in the country for that. For five long years I'd braved bitter winters, and not so bitter but still bloody cold summers. Study took up the majority of my time. I couldn't be involved in active policing, so I studied. And back to Australia I came armed with a Dip Ed and no experience.  
  
I got a six-month posting in Fairfield, replacement for a teacher on maternity leave. Those six months went by so quickly and once again I found myself with nothing to do, no purpose, no reason to get out of bed each day. And I found myself with way too much time on my hands, time spent thinking of Mt Thomas, my old life, friends and of course PJ.  
  
I deliberately tried not to think of him, it wasn't easy. But I'd had plenty of practice over the last five years. I couldn't allow myself to think of him whilst in London, it was a self-preservation thing. I wouldn't have survived had he been constantly on my mind. I had to have some semblance of normalcy.  
  
And so on my first day of no work I found myself looking through old photos, reminiscing, dreaming of what might have been. That's all it was. I knew that my life with PJ could never be resurrected and yet I still made the call. A Senior Sergeant Gallagher picked up the phone in Mt. Thomas and question number was answered. The Boss had obviously moved on. Mt Thomas station without the Boss, I couldn't even picture it. I don't know what I was hoping for when I made the call. I heard her, Senior Sergeant Gallagher's voice, heard other voices in the background but none that I could pick. I listened for a few seconds, she repeated her name and then the phone went dead. I sat for I don't know how long, holding the phone; it was like it was some kind of connection, a connection to PJ a connection to my past.  
  
There were other options of course, Dash McKinley, my old house and work mate. She was a teacher now too, overseas though; I really doubted she'd have any knowledge of life in Mt Thomas. Nick was my next choice. He was so easy to find. A Senior Sergeant in Geelong. An invite from Zoë for the day after my call and I knew I was on my way back, back to Mt Thomas.  
  
Was it a road I really wanted to travel? Did I really have any choice? I spose the first step on this road began the day I booked my tickets home. What else did I come home for? Dad died shortly after leaving prison, I didn't even get to go to his funeral. So coming home to Australia was just a step towards the inevitable, the fact that I did nothing for six months was simply a postponement. It was going to happen sooner or later.  
  
I rocked up to Nick's place, stood outside for a few minutes. Gathering strength for what I knew would be an emotional time. I hadn't seen Nick for, God how many years? Must've been at least seven possibly eight. A small kid interrupted my reverie, a miniature Zoë, but with Nick's piercing blue eyes. Nick had been so shocked, Zoë obviously preferring to keep me as a surprise for her husband.  
  
"Maggie?" he looked at Zoë, who just stood there smiling at us both. "I don't believe it, Margaret bloody Doyle," he stammered before pulling me into a bear hug.  
  
We sat well into the night, catching up. Zoë was now working part-time in private practice, the rest of the time she was looking after their brood. Little Sarah, I'd met on the path, she was 5, Toby was 3 and the baby, Caitlynne, and boy did she get my maternal instincts humming, was just 11 months old. Family life agreed with Nick, he hadn't changed but that he doted on his family was apparent.  
  
"Have you seen PJ yet?" he asked, none to bluntly. Wouldn't really have expected it any other way.  
  
"No," I answered, I couldn't meet his eyes.  
  
"He'd love to see you Maggie."  
  
"And I want to see him to Nick, but I don't want to upset his life. I had to see you first."  
  
"Ohhhh, so I'm just a means for you to find out about PJ, am I?" he teased.  
  
"Noooo," I started, before looking up and seeing that old gleam in his eyes.  
  
He told me all he knew. He and PJ still kept in contact, but timing meant they rarely saw each other. PJ 'was' still in Mt. Thomas, still married to the job as far as Nick knew. When he told me Helena had passed away, my heart cried for PJ. I knew how much his mum meant to him, how much he would've been hurting. And for Helena, never seeing PJ married, never seeing what should have been our children, her grandchildren.  
  
I left Nick's place with such a multitude of emotions running through me. I drove and drove. I was so aware of what I was doing yet seemed to have no possible way of stopping myself. Three hours later I found myself in Mt. Thomas, outside the Imperial. It was two am and only a small light glowed through the windows. I knew Chris would have shut up shop hours ago. I guessed she was still here, Nick hadn't actually mentioned, but I couldn't see the Imperial without Chris. But then I thought the same thing about the Boss too, and he'd left.  
  
The look on Chris' face when she opened the door was amazing. When the realisation that it was actually me sunk in, tears streamed down her face, mine too. She held me for so long.  
  
Two hugs in one day, for so long I'd gone without human contact. I didn't dare let anyone get close to me in London, never knowing when I would have to leave, never knowing who I could really trust. And yet here I was amongst the only family I have left, and the touch I'd missed so much now became something I almost felt I couldn't accept. It felt awkward and yet I loved it at the same time.  
  
"Peej, is gonna be so happy Maggie, he's not gonna believe it, let me ring him now."  
  
"No, Chris, I have to do this in my time, make sure I'm not stuffing him around. I'm gonna hover Chris, I don't want him to know I'm here, please promise me that you won't tell anyone?" I watched her nod, knowing how hard it would be for her not to share this news.  
  
"Tell me who's who at the station Chris."  
  
"Well, Peej is still there of course. Tess, took your job, she's now Senior Sergeant. Tom's still here but he's married and enjoying his retirement."  
  
"Wooah, Chris, back track, tell me about Tess."  
  
"She's lovely Maggie, I think you'd like her. She was a bit gung ho when she first got here, but she's changed, become one of the family. Love struck again and she married another copper, Jonesy. He took Jack's job."  
  
I nodded at this remark, having read about this in the papers on the net. At the time I couldn't believe it was the same Jack Lawson I knew, but time had worn the shock away.  
  
"Jo?" I asked.  
  
"She was here until a few years ago. Left in a bit of a hurry, don't quite know what happened there. She was living with Ben and PJ out at PJ's place. Anyway she's down in Melbourne somewhere. Josh, took Jo's job, straight from the academy. Another one to test Tess out. But she get's damn good results from them. Ben is now Sergeant and loving it. He married a local lass, Siobhan. Hit a bit of a rough patch our Ben did, but he's great now, love of a good woman and all that."  
  
I smiled, inwardly so pleased Ben had someone to make him happy. He was such a nice guy and deserved so much more than Rachael had ever dished out to him.  
  
"So," I started, 'There's Tess in charge, Ben, Josh and what was Tess' husband called, Jonesy, anyone else?"  
  
"Mmm," Chris remarked, "Keeley, senior constable from Ballarat."  
  
I don't know what it was but something about Chris's face when she spoke about Keeley bothered me, there was something she wasn't telling me. But at that exact moment I didn't want to know. I knew that I was up to dealing with any other shocks that night. Chris kinda gazumped me there anyway.  
  
"Maggie, what have you been up to all this time? I mean, I don't wanna pry and all that but well, you died for crying out loud!"  
  
I laughed at this, her voice, the way she said it.  
  
"It's not funny Maggie, we cremated you, mourned you. PJ was even up for your 'murder'. What the hell was going on?"  
  
I didn't tell her much, I couldn't. Just told her it was part of the case and I'd had no choice. It was the truth really, well as much as I was allowed to tell. Round five that morning, we trudged up the stairs and went to bed. Poor Chris had to get up in less than two hours but she didn't care. I sat on the small bed in my old room for a while, not doing anything, just thinking. It was light when I finally crawled between the sheets, I could hear the Magpies warbling, a sound I'd missed so much in London, where all I could hear was a constant stream of traffic past my flat.  
  
I woke around midday and knowing that the coppers would be here for their lunches soon, I quickly got dressed. I hadn't planned it but I knew what I was going to do. But it all depended on who came to get the lunches. I hoped like hell it was the new boss, Tess Gallagher. Luck was on my side that day. She came in with what I knew had to be her husband, either that or Senior Sergeant Tess Gallagher was having an affair with another member. From my seat on the step I saw them stop in the small alcove before you reach the main bar. A small but passionate kiss and they kept going. How many times PJ and I had done the same thing I couldn't say. I supposed they even used the locker room for a quick kiss and cuddle, sometimes more, like we used to.  
  
As she walked past I caught her eye with a wave of my arm, I beckoned her over. She whispered in her partner's ear, I'm guessing she told him she wouldn't be long.  
  
"Senior Sergeant Gallagher?" I asked although I already knew the answer.  
  
"Yes, that's right," she answered. "Can I help you with something?"  
  
"Yes, well I hope so. It's a personal matter and we."  
  
"Maggie Doyle? You're Maggie Doyle aren't you? Witness, huh?" Tess said incredulously.  
  
"You're obviously in the right job," I laughed. "Yeah, I'm Maggie, How'd you know?"  
  
"Your photo is in PJ's office and on my desk."  
  
"Your desk? Why would my photo be on your desk?" I hid my pleasure at knowing PJ still had my photo in his office with the question.  
  
"Ahhh, seems you're a bit a legend around here Maggie. The Boss, PJ, Jo and," she swallowed briefly, "umm Jack, they often talked about you. When the Boss retired we decided to keep the photo where it was. So your photo still adorns my desk. Tradition!"  
  
I laughed, I couldn't help myself, Maggie Doyle is tradition. A woman who never knew me had a photo of me on her desk, where one of her family should have sat, but then apart from a husband I didn't know if she had family.  
  
"What can I do for you Maggie? I don't mean to rush you but I do have to get back to work. If it's not urgent maybe we can have a drink after work, I could meet you here."  
  
She must've seen my apprehension.  
  
"Or you could come round to the watch house. I can kick Evan out for the night, he won't mind."  
  
"I'd like that, thanks umm.Tess, " I replied hesitantly.  
  
"Tess is fine, say six thirty, I'll send Evan out for some take out for us," she smiled.  
  
I was there at six thirty promptly. Tess struck me as the sort of person who wouldn't tolerate anything less. We sat and chit chatted for a few minutes before she came out with the big guns. She wanted to know it all, anything and everything about witness.  
  
"Maggie, I don't really 'know' you. I do know that PJ loved you and that the Boss thought very highly of you, but I need to verify everything you've told me for myself. You do understand, don't you?"  
  
I assured her that I would have done the same thing had I been in her situation. But that I needed to know just one thing until she had spoken to the people in Witness.  
  
"PJ is fine Maggie. Work keeps him busy, the pub at night, you know how it is."  
  
Once again I got that distinct feeling that I wasn't being told everything. A gut feeling and one I didn't particularly like.  
  
"Should I leave town now, Tess?" There wasn't any point beating around the bush.  
  
"No, just give me some time. Let me talk to Witness and then we'll talk again. Have you got a mobile number I can contact you on?"  
  
As we both plugged in each other's mobile numbers into our phones she continued with her questioning.  
  
"Why me Maggie? Why not Ben or the Boss?"  
  
I explained to Tess that I didn't really have any answers for her, that the last two days had been an impulse with no thought or reasoning behind it. Life's like that, I've learnt that sometimes you just have to go with what your heart tells you and bugger the consequences.  
  
"Tess, why is it that every time I mention PJ, you or Chris both clam up? Please Tess, put yourself in my shoes."  
  
"You want my honesty Maggie?"  
  
I nodded, knowing I was ready to hear whatever it was she had to say.  
  
"Maggie, for the first two years of my posting PJ never looked at any woman, at least not in my presence. Then, and I don't want you to be hurt by this okay, then Ben's sister Liz arrived in town. They had a connection from the instant they met. She's a lawyer, opposite sides the case a few times, but they worked through that."  
  
Tess looked at me expectantly, I felt like I had to say something.  
  
"Maggie, for the first two years of my posting PJ never looked at any woman, at least not in my presence. Then, and I don't want you to be hurt by this okay, then Ben's sister Liz arrived in town. They had a connection from the instant they met. She's a lawyer, opposite sides the case a few times, but they worked through that."  
  
"Are they still together?"  
  
Tess told me they weren't, that it hadn't lasted long. And then she dropped the bombshell; to say I was stunned was an understatement.  
  
"Jo? You're kidding me, right?"  
  
She wasn't.  
  
  
  
Apparently, it had gone on for some time, well on and off. And then after an event that shattered a few lives, Tess didn't go into details, Jo asked for a transfer. When Tess questioned her as to why, Jo just explained that she wouldn't be, couldn't be, someone's leftovers.  
  
We left it at that. Tess didn't or wouldn't say anymore. She rang Evan to make sure PJ wasn't at the Imperial for me and I left. But not before I was enveloped in my third warm hug in just over twenty-four hours.  
  
"Take care, Maggie. I'm sure it'll all work out. Speak to you tomorrow."  
  
I walked back to the Imperial; it didn't take long, less than five minutes. I kept my head down careful not to meet the eyes of anyone that might know me. Waiting at the door of the Imperial was Evan, Tess' husband, he looked panicky.  
  
"Maggie, PJ's in there, he just popped.."  
  
And then I heard his voice, a voice I had never known if I would hear again.  
  
"Jonesy, come on mate. What ya doing out here? Ya beer's getting."  
  
He stood there stunned, not uttering a word.  
  
"PJ."  
  
"No, it's not possible. Don't do this to me."  
  
"PJ, listen to Maggie," Evan placed his hand gently on PJ's arm. I so wanted to do that myself.  
  
"It's not Maggie. Maggie is dead."  
  
I couldn't help myself anymore. Reaching up I gently cupped his cheek, "It's me PJ, it really is me."  
  
"Maggie," he whispered my name so quietly.  
  
I could see he still didn't believe it. I couldn't really blame him; after all he had thought I was dead for so many years. Gently he took me into his arms, almost reverently. We held each other, outside the Imperial, we held each other and cried.  
  
"PJ, Maggie, how about we go into the parlour?"  
  
Tess' voice was quiet; how she got there I don't know. I'm guessing Evan rang her. But she was there and I for one was glad, I felt a link with Tess, I don't know what it was but it was there. I felt comforted by her presence.  
  
Chris brought a tray of drinks in, scotch; guess she knew we needed something a little stronger than coffee, then left the four of us alone. It was kinda funny if you think about it. Tess and Evan, PJ and me, two couples who defied the Boss. Only they made it and we didn't.  
  
"Maggie, I pulled a few favours, yeah I know, I work quick, but I felt it was important. PJ I've spoken to the people in the know. Everything Maggie is about to tell you is the truth. Just remember mate, she had no choice in the matter," Tess said.  
  
I sat watching her comfort PJ, put her arms around him. That they were close was obvious. That they knew each other so well was plain to see. It didn't disturb me, she was a married woman. And I could tell it was a friendship, a damn good one too by the looks of things. Had PJ comforted her through some tough times and vice versa, I was sure I would find out later but I was so happy PJ had a mate, a female mate.  
  
"Would you like us to stay or go?" Evan asked.  
  
"Stay," PJ and I both said at once.  
  
All four of us laughed together. From that moment the conversation flowed a little more freely. I told PJ everything about Witness, London, Dad, everything. It didn't worry me about Evan and Tess, instinctively I knew I could trust them.  
  
"It's your turn now PJ. What have you been doing?" I asked when finally I finished explaining everything, and PJ had exhausted all his questions.  
  
"Maggie, how about we let PJ sleep on this. Let him get his head around the fact that you're alive."  
  
I could see Tess' protective, nurturing instinct come to the surface again. "Yeah okay," I answered.  
  
"PJ, come on mate, we'll take you home with us. You can sleep in the spare room," Tess told him.  
  
"Tess, I'll be fine," he smiled at her unconvincingly.  
  
"Ha! PJ, you know Tess, she won't take no for an answer," Evan laughed.  
  
"That's right PJ, I don't want you to be alone tonight."  
  
"Evan, take PJ home, I'll stay with Maggie a little longer, girl stuff," I watched her reach up and kiss her husband, "I won't be long."  
  
"Night PJ," I muttered quietly.  
  
"Maggie, you don't know how much I've missed you, night, I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
And then he kissed me. A gentle feathery kiss on the lips, a touch so simple and yet so provocative. I could taste him, a taste I'd never forgotten. As he walked away I pressed two fingers softly to my lips as if trying to imprint that kiss. He turned back one last time before he walked through the door. No sooner had he gone than he was back and I was enveloped in his strong arms again.  
  
"Mags," he breathed into my hair, "oh Mags!"  
  
"I know PJ, I know," I whispered. The chill I felt when he removed his arms was real. Not a fleeting sensation of my imagination. His arms were replaced by Tess' as she guided me to the sofa.  
  
Next thing I knew Chris walked in with a tray of vodka's; I nearly choked laughing so much. Tess looked puzzled so I related the vodka story to her. It sounded so stupid in retrospect but it was funny at the time.  
  
And then something strange happened between Tess and Chris. Someone entered the pub and they both looked at each other, a mutual understanding.  
  
"Yeah, Tess, I'll go. You two stay here, I'll let you know," Chris stood to leave.  
  
"Right Tess what was that all about?" I asked as soon as Chris left.  
  
"Nothing, nothing, it's not important," she was deliberately evasive.  
  
"Look Tess, I've spent the last five years with people telling me what to do, not telling me the whole truth, if you think I'm gonna put up with it now." I stood to follow Chris  
  
"Alright Maggie, just sit back down please. Please Maggie, it's for your own good."  
  
"Yeah, heard that a million times too, doesn't cut it with me anymore. Either you tell me what's going on or I'll go find out for myself."  
  
"Maggie, there is a woman, Keeley, she's umm, well.she's..anyway.she works with us at the station, actually she doesn't work with us, she works alone, unless she can get in on CI. Maggie you're gonna have to be careful around her. She's two-faced and vindictive. And she's trying so hard to get her claws into PJ."  
  
"And PJ doesn't know what she's like?"  
  
"Keeley doesn't show PJ that side, she's sweet as pie when he's around, when he's not the claws come out  
  
I didn't like what she had to say. I had known there was something they hadn't been telling me, a feeling, instinct. Coppers were renowned for them. But this I hadn't expected, I think I could've handled it better had he been happily married to a really nice girl with a tribe of kids. Wouldn't have liked it but it would've been better than this.  
  
"Coast is clear, Tess, she's in her room," Chris popped her head round the corner of the door.  
  
Tess left after that, saw me to my room and then left. Not before I asked her to pull Ben aside in the morning and let him know I was back. Ben.I so hoped he was happy and by all accounts he was. I'd missed him too, not like PJ, different but still important.  
  
I slept like a log that night; even thoughts of the other woman couldn't stop me. I guess it was exhaustion from the previous few days, whatever it was I woke the next morning feeling better than I had in years. Showered and dressed I lay on the bed and flicked through a magazine Chris had left for me the night before.  
  
I knew who it was as soon as the door flung open. Ben. He strode towards me, and as I jumped onto my knees, still on the bed he pulled me into his arms, his hands tangled in my hair. We both pulled back at the same time looking deep into each other's eyes. And then our lips met, it wasn't meant to go as far as it did. I guess we were both just caught up in the moment, but the kiss deepened, our tongues met and dueled briefly. So in sync with each other we both pulled away from the kiss at the same time.  
  
"Oh my God!" I giggled.  
  
"Yeah," Ben muttered, "that wasn't meant to happen."  
  
"Ben it's okay, it's been a long time, don't worry about it."  
  
He turned away from me running his fingers through his hair, I knew that mannerism, he was frustrated.  
  
"Oh shit!"  
  
"Ben I said it's okay, old friends meeting again for the first time, it's fine."  
  
We both saw her at the same time. I'd never seen her before in my life, but seeing as she was in uniform it wasn't hard to figure it out. She must have seen it all. The smug smile she sent our way before walking quickly towards the stairs, certainly suggested she had. Without even trying I'd given her ammunition to use against me.  
  
"That was Keeley?" I asked already knowing the answer.  
  
"Yeah, Maggie, she's a bitch and PJ can't see it," he paused. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have."  
  
"Tess told me last night, actually I made her tell me," I smiled for a moment.  
  
"She'll use it Maggie, against you. She wants PJ and she'll do anything to get to him. I know he still loves you, that was plain when Jo."  
  
"Ben I know about her too."  
  
"You and Tess really did have a chat last night, didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah, but she didn't go into too many details about Jo, just that Jo left cos she wouldn't be leftovers. Tell me what happened Ben - I need to know," I walked over and closed the door. I didn't want anyone eavesdropping on our conversation.  
  
"Jo and PJ, it was kind of sudden, I didn't know to start with, then PJ told me.it was only a few times. Jo wanted more than PJ could give her. She loved him Maggie, of that I'm certain. But PJ, well he loved you then and he loves you now. No one will ever take your place for him."  
  
"And Keeley?"  
  
"PJ's not stupid Maggie, we both know that, but when it comes to her.well, I dunno she seems to have some sort of hold on him. He won't listen to anything I have to say. Just tells me to butt out."  
  
"That's PJ, always ready to pry into someone else's life, not so happy when the situations reversed," I muttered.  
  
"Ahh, Maggie, don't blame him. He mourned you. I mourned you." he reached over to brush a stray strand of hair from my cheek. "I loved you.that night of my birthday, I know it shouldn't have happened. I wanted what you and PJ had, I was jealous."  
  
"Are you happy Ben?"  
  
"Yeah.yeah I am. It's taken some time, a long time in fact. I caused the Boss a few major headaches along the way. But yeah Maggie, I'm happy. Happier still knowing you're alive. It's surreal, Tess told me first thing, couldn't believe it to start with, but a few minutes thinking and I guess it all made sense. So many things would be different Maggie, if all this hadn't happened."  
  
"Ben, it doesn't work like that. For five years I've had nothing to do but think of the what if's. You can't do that. I don't know what would have happened had I stayed, for all I know I could've ended up dead, so five years of my life in exchange for the rest of my life - seems like a pretty good deal to me."  
  
He reached out to grab me in his arms, "Ahhh, Maggie I don't care, it's just so damn good to have you back."  
  
Ben left, not before planting a small kiss on the top of my head. The rest of the day passed without incidence. PJ called briefly, it was kinda awkward, weird. I couldn't even tell if Keeley had had a word in his ear or not. Tess called too, told me that I was going to her place again that night, wouldn't take no for an answer. That was cool, I liked Tess and it had been so long since I'd had anyone I could confide in. I felt like I'd known her for years.  
  
I couldn't believe it when I got there; she had the works, chocolate, wine, and a DVD to watch.  
  
"What's this all about?" I asked.  
  
"We're having a girly night, haven't had one for ages, and you're the perfect excuse."  
  
"What are we watching?"  
  
Tess cringed, "I'm sorry, Evan picked - came back with Sixth Sense, damn old I know."  
  
"Hmmm I remember watching that in London, all I could think about was that PJ would've hated Bruce in that. He loves Bruce - did you know that?"  
  
"Yeah, well he's into all that macho stuff, wrestling, monster trucks, it doesn't surprise me. Come on let's eat. I made lasagna, hope that's okay."  
  
We sat and ate and drank wine, and more wine, we talked just general stuff, getting to know you stuff and drank some more wine. At some point we moved to the sofa, I think the intent here was to watch the movie, it was on but neither of us payed any attention. A few bottles later and we were both sprawled on the sofa, giggling like schoolgirls.  
  
"Tess?"  
  
"Yeah," she mumbled back.  
  
"Tess, something happened today."  
  
"Yeah," Tess giggled, "same here."  
  
"Huh?" the wine had somewhat addled my brain.  
  
"You first."  
  
"I kissed Ben," I giggled inanely. "Your turn now."  
  
"You what?" Tess spluttered.  
  
"Nup, your turn now, not saying no more till you blab. Your turn, your turn."  
  
"Me and Evan," she giggled, "me and Evan, we, err played around in my office,  
  
"Nooooo, not the Boss' office," I replied giggling.  
  
"I know," Tess hid her face in a cushion of the sofa, looking back up at me she continued, "and then .the locker room." Tess giggled again. "I don't know what's wrong with me, we haven't done it at work for so long, I can't get enough of him at the moment."  
  
"Shit Tess, did you get the lock fixed?"  
  
"Maggie, I'm no idiot, we nearly got caught the first time, got it fixed straight away. Many a time."  
  
"Me and PJ too, I still love him Tess."  
  
"And Ben?" she asked.  
  
  
  
"Meant nothing, just pleased to see him. Mind you, we have a past."  
  
"Ohhhh, now this I got to hear, do tell."  
  
"It was his birthday, we got drunk, didn't meant anything. It happened here, in this room. Now, what about you, how'd you and Evan get together?" I asked.  
  
"Ohhhhh," Tess giggled, seemed all we did right then was giggle. "Ohhh, it was a long road, I made him work for it."  
  
"Made me work for what?"  
  
Neither of us had realized he was home. Tess jumped up from where she was sprawled on the sofa.  
  
"Ohhhh, woah, not a good idea to stand, ohhhhhhh my head," she moaned, desperately trying to cling to the arm of the sofa.  
  
All I heard was Evan laughing at his wife, a deep guffaw.  
  
"Teresa, I do believe you've had a little too much to drink," he laughed.  
  
"No, no, I'm perfectly okay, just lost my balance," Tess tried to stand once again.  
  
"Sit down Tess. Looking at what you two have drunk tonight, Maggie, you better stay over," Evan took control of the situation.  
  
"Nooo, she can't I haven't changed the sheets, PJ." Tess protested.  
  
I saw them look at each other nervously, I laughed. "It's okay, PJ and I, we have slept in the same sheets before."  
  
"Coffee, I'm gonna make you two coffee, you're gonna be a sad pair in the morning."  
  
I slid between the sheets, as I drew the doona up to my chin I savoured the scent, PJ's scent. His body had lain where I lay right now, a thought that comforted me as I drifted to sleep, listening to some giggling and squealing from the bedroom next door.  
  
The next morning, I vowed never to drink again and I meant it.  
  
"And how's your head this morning Maggie?" asked Evan cheerfully. He and Tess sat at the table, Evan tucking into toast, Tess simply nursing a cup of coffee.  
  
I barely managed to send him an evil glare.  
  
"You're so gonna have to do better than that. Tess' looks can kill and she's already thrown a few my way this morning. Anyone would think I forced you both to go through 5 bottles of wine."  
  
I saw what he meant as Tess threw one of those looks in the direction of her overly smug looking husband.  
  
"I need coffee," I mumbled.  
  
Evan just laughed as he handed me a cup and poured the coffee in, "Toast?" he asked.  
  
"Ugh, no, can't face food, did we really drink that much Tess?"  
  
"Seems so and I've got to be at work in less than half an hour. Evan, can you tell them I'm sick?"  
  
"You've got to be kidding, you're the senior sergeant now, no slacking off for you," he placed his hands on Tess' shoulders, "come on I'll help you get dressed."  
  
"Noooo, I'm going back to bed," Tess mumbled.  
  
"Sounds good to me, let's go," he laughed again.  
  
I listened quietly to their banter, they sounded so much like PJ and I used to. The good-natured bickering, their love for each other obvious.  
  
It took me so long to get going that morning, I sat around in the watch house, I felt close to PJ here, close to my past. I'd never lived in the watch house but just being so close to the station comforted me. A knock at the door brought me quickly from my reverie.  
  
"Maggie, Oh Maggie, this is."  
  
"Boss," I smiled back.  
  
"Just come here Maggie," and I was engulfed in the warmth of his arms.  
  
Tears streamed down both our faces. The Boss was the next best thing to a father for me.  
  
"I'm sorry Boss, so sorry," I don't know why I was apologizing, I hadn't apologized to PJ, hadn't felt the need. Realistically none of this was my fault.  
  
"Maggie, you don't have to apologize, from what Tess has told me you had no choice. You're home now, safe, that's all that matters."  
  
We sat for hours in the watch house. The Boss told me all about Grace and his new family, he asked about London and all I'd been through. We talked about Jack, his disappointment was hard to see, I knew what each of the coppers meant to him. Family! He hadn't seen Jack since the incident, and I could sense a certain amount of regret in that. Jack was apparently now back in Swifts Creek, back on the farm. That much the Boss knew, I didn't ask where he got the information, and he didn't share.  
  
At some point I knew I would visit Jack, he was still a part of my past and who knows, maybe in some way the events of my life had shaped Jack into who he was now. I felt like I owed it to him to let him know I was still alive. Little did I realize at the time just how quickly I would get to see Jack. Should have realized, for the grapevine of Mt Thomas was still and I suspect always would be in effect.  
  
The Boss left around lunchtime, promising to bring Grace to meet me the next morning. I walked slowly back to the Imperial, deep in my own world. I couldn't help but think of PJ and why he hadn't come to see me. It bothered me and yet I felt that I couldn't intrude on him, felt that I had to let him come to terms with my sudden appearance in his own time.  
  
I came face to face with her as I walked into the Imperial, I knew it would happen at some stage but I wasn't exactly prepared for it. I could see it in her eyes, recognition and confusion. She recognized me but wasn't sure where from.  
  
"Maggie Doyle," I extended my hand, may as well be upfront about it, she'd find out soon enough.  
  
"As in.?" she stammered before regaining her composure.  
  
"Yes as in PJ's Maggie," I couldn't stop the ownership in my voice  
  
"So you've been lying to poor PJ all these years?" she asked cattily.  
  
"Not that it's any of your business, but no. PJ is aware of the situation, now if you'll excuse me." I brushed past her shoulders, through the doors and up to my room.  
  
"What happened Maggie?" Chris knocked on the door and came in.  
  
"Nothing, ran into Keeley at the door, was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't like her Chris, it's not just what you and Tess have told me, it's just.a feeling. That woman is pure evil. Chris, I need to see PJ again, all the way back from Tess' I thought I would leave him to come to me, but now.I have to see him."  
  
"Go then Maggie, go to the station."  
  
I traipsed back the way I had walked only minutes before. This time I wasn't deep in thought instead my stride was full of purpose - I knew exactly where I was going. I hesitated only slightly before flinging open the fly screen door. Slowly I stepped inside, it hadn't changed, the walls had been painted but it was exactly as it was the last day I stood there. Excepting of course its occupants. I must've appeared slightly dazed as Tess came and ushered me into her office.  
  
"Maggie, you okay?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah fine, just memories, y'know," I attempted a smile. "Is PJ in?" I asked hopefully.  
  
"No, Maggie, I'm sorry, he's just left. He and.he's out on a case."  
  
"He's with Keeley isn't he?" I watched Tess nod silently. "Please Tess, I'd like to think we're friends, please don't keep things from me, had enough of that to last me a lifetime."  
  
Tess smiled, "After last night, yeah we're friends. And yes, he's with Keeley, they're working on a case together. I really don't know when they'll be back."  
  
"That's alright. Look Tess when he gets back can you tell him I popped in, get him to call me, I don't know maybe he'll meet me for dinner tonight, mutual territory."  
  
He didn't ring. I presumed Tess had given him my message, I hoped she had. It seemed I was left to my own devices that night. Everyone seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth, until a call came from Chris to meet her in the dining room, said I couldn't sit in my room all night, she wasn't bringing food up so if I didn't want to starve then I had to come down. I quickly showered, dried my hair, changed and made my way down.  
  
The Imperial was in full swing, many of the locals stopped me on my way through to the dining room. This was, in effect, my first public appearance in Mt Thomas. I could hear the whispers, 'Is that Maggie Doyle?', Can't be, she's dead.', 'It's her I tell you.', feel the stares. Luckily Chris came out from behind the bar and ushered me as quickly as possible through the myriad of questions.  
  
"Maybe I should just go back to my room Chris," I turned to go back.  
  
"Don't be silly, we're nearly there, c'mon Maggie."  
  
Moments before walking through the dining room door I realized what was happening, I should have realized before after all this was Chris.  
  
"Surprise!" they all called at once. My shock was real; I hadn't expected to see some of the people Chris had assembled. Looking round the group I could see, Nick, Zoë and the kids, Tess and Jonesy of course, Ben and with someone I assumed to be his wife, the Boss and again I assumed, his wife Grace, even Jo was there, reaching out to hug me. I felt no animosity towards her, there was no blame to be laid, after all I had been dead. But there was no PJ.  
  
"He'll be here," whispered Tess in my ear.  
  
"How'd you know?" I asked.  
  
"Cos I've been where you are, searching the room for the one person you want to be there and they're not. Stupid, stupid games I've played.ahhh but it doesn't matter now - I've got my man."  
  
"Yeah well, your man is here now, the one who used to be mine isn't," I muttered.  
  
"He will be, now go and get a drink, just one mind, not having a repeat of last night."  
  
We laughed together, so loudly a few people looked our way to see what was so uproariously funny, it only made us laugh more.  
  
"Hey, you two, one's your limit," yelled out Evan from the other side of the room.  
  
"S'not like you to have more than a couple Tess," came a voice from behind us.  
  
Instantly I felt Tess freeze, her whole body rigid.  
  
"Jack!" called out Jo; she raced across the room enveloping him in a hug. "Glad you could make it."  
  
Tess said nothing, just moved away to stand with Evan, who wrapped his arms protectively round his wife's shoulders. Something was definitely amiss with Jack and Tess. Was it only a Sergeant's disappointment in her constable or something more? My guess was more, but my train of thought was interrupted as Jack engulfed me in his arms. We chatted for a while, neither of us mentioning his past. I was touched he came, sensing how difficult it would have been for him to front not only the Boss, but obviously Tess. I kept one eye on the door, hoping that at any second PJ would come through.  
  
The Boss approached and introduced us both to Grace. She seemed like a lovely lady and did all she could to encourage a flow of conversation, but Jack's uneasiness was obvious as he moved away. I watched him as I chatted with the Boss and Grace, watched him move nearer to Tess. And with each move Jack made Tess reciprocated with a move away. This was more than a sergeant's disappointment, after all, the Boss had been able to face Jack, it wasn't easy but he'd done it.  
  
Before long I saw Tess' reach up and whisper in Evan's ear, seconds later she left the dining room - Jack following shortly after. It wasn't easy for me to slip out and ever harder for me to make my way back through the bar. I couldn't see either of them anywhere, not in the bar, not in the parlour. I wondered if maybe Tess had gone to the station in search of PJ, so once again I walked the short distance to the station. As I neared the doorway I could hear raised voices.  
  
"Tess, please, just talk to me," Jack pleaded.  
  
"Got nothing to say to you Jack, now if you'll get out of my way I'd like to go back to my husband."  
  
I heard Tess' emphasis of the word husband. Was she trying to let Jack know she was happily married or had seeing Jack stirred up feelings she thought were gone? Just who was Tess trying to convince?  
  
"Not going anywhere Tess till you listen to me. Tess please."  
  
"No, Jack. What we had was over long ago, the moment you lied to me, the moment you let another man fall to his death. We have nothing to say to each other," Tess said angrily.  
  
"I want to say sorry Tess, I want you to know how much I'm sorry for the hurt I caused you."  
  
I could see them in the station, Tess trying to not pay any attention, Jack demanding what little she would give.  
  
"Should have thought of that before Jack."  
  
"I'm sorry, it wasn't something I planned, I don't know what was in my head at the time. If I could take it back I would, but I can't. You're my biggest regret Tess," he moved closer to her, caressing her cheek. To my surprise Tess didn't move away. "I've regretted it, every second of everyday. I loved you Tess."  
  
Tess looked up into Jack's eyes, her eyes shone with unshed tears, slowly a tear spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheek, "I loved you too," she whispered, "I loved you so much."  
  
  
  
Tears now flowed freely down Tess' cheeks. Jack drew Tess into his arms; she hesitated slightly then relaxed, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. Jack's fingers wound through Tess' hair, and then moved down to roam her back.  
  
"You'll get in trouble for eavesdropping Maggs," whispered PJ behind me. So intent on the scene in the station, even his quiet whisper managed to frighten me. I jumped backwards landing almost on top of PJ. My back touching his chest, I sighed deeply. I felt his arms wrap around my waist as I leant back into his embrace.  
  
"Shhh," I whispered.  
  
"Tess, look at me," Jack whispered. "I have to tell you something."  
  
Tess leaned back, moving just slightly from his body, "Yeah?" she asked.  
  
"You're not going to like it, and I know I don't have a right to say this, you being married an' all."  
  
Instantly Tess moved completely from his arms, "No! No, Jack please don't say it. Just don't."  
  
"I have to Tess, I came here to tell you - yeah I came to see Maggie too, but I had to see you, tell you. Tess, look at me."  
  
Reluctantly Tess allowed her eyes to meet Jack's.  
  
"I still love you Tess, always will."  
  
"Jack I love my husband - with all my heart. I loved you, I can't deny that. It took me along time to get over you, but all that time Evan waited for me, waited till I was ready to love again," fervently Tess declared her love for Evan.  
  
"Did you know about Jack and Tess?" I quietly asked PJ.  
  
"Yeah," he whispered back, his mouth so close to my ear, I felt the warmth of his breath caress my cheek as he spoke. "I resented Tess when she first came to Mt Thomas, taking your place. I know, Maggs, I know," he shushed me before I even spoke, knowing all too well what I would say. "It wasn't her fault. We're great mates now, I helped her through this Jack debacle, although I have to admit, it was me that pushed them together. C'mon Maggs, let's leave them to it. Tess'll be fine, she loves Evan and Jack would never hurt her."  
  
Grabbing my hand, PJ walked me away from the station. Desperately I wanted to ask him why he hadn't been to see me, why he hadn't called, but I didn't preferring instead to enjoy the warmth of his hand in mine, the warmth of his body so close to mine. That warmth enveloped me further when he released his hand to place his arm gently around my shoulders drawing me even closer against the length of his body.  
  
"Is it true Maggs?"  
  
Abruptly I turned in his arms, "Is what true PJ?"  
  
"You and Ben, someone saw you kissing him. Is it true?" his voice was ragged with emotion, his eyes filled with the pain I imagined him suffering after my 'death'.  
  
"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer PJ, if you trust me then you'll know the truth. If you don't then I may as well go back to Melbourne now. There is only one person in this world I want to spend my life with, he's here, right beside me."  
  
I reached out touching his lips softly with the tips of my fingers. Gently PJ drew the tip of one finger inside his mouth. I could only stare into his eyes, as softly he sucked, drawing my finger deeper into the recesses of his mouth.  
  
"Kiss me PJ!" I whispered.  
  
Quickly he released my fingers, claiming my mouth as his own, plunging his tongue deep within my mouth searching until he found what he wanted, he nibbled on my bottom lip drawing that too into his mouth. I allowed my hands to roam his body, the length of his arms, the breadth of his back, lower I let them travel till they toyed with the hem of his jumper. His lips moved to my neck, suckling, nibbling.  
  
"Ahem!.I said Ahem!"  
  
Dazedly we both pulled away from each other, turning in the direction of the voice.  
  
"Keeley, oh, umm, this is.this is Maggie," PJ stammered. I felt the heaviness of his arm resting gently on my shoulder, glad of its weight and the security it represented.  
  
"We've met," I said haughtily, "PJ, sweetie, we better get back to the Imperial. Darling, let's go," I dragged him by the hand towards the Imperial, giving neither of them any room to protest.  
  
"Stop! Maggie wait, before we go in, what was all that?"  
  
"All what?" I replied, attempting to sound innocent.  
  
"Darling, sweetie," he raised his eyebrows to emphasis his point. "I do believe Maggie Doyle is jealous."  
  
"No, just letting her know. Come on, let's go in."  
  
"Know what Maggie?"  
  
"That I love you, now we have to socialize, c'mon," I reached up gave him a quick kiss on the lips then led him by the hand through to the dining room.  
  
A cheer arose from our friends as we entered the dining room.  
  
"We should have known Margaret, you never could keep your bloody hands off him," yelled Nick, followed by laughter from the entire group assembled.  
  
Evan reached my side within seconds, "Did you see Tess?" he asked worriedly. "She went to find PJ ages ago but she's not back."  
  
"Mate," PJ placed a hand gently on his forearm, "she's just having a word to Jack. She'll be fine, it'll be good for her."  
  
"I might go for a walk," Evan replied, pulling back as PJ's hand stopped him. "PJ, it's Jack, Jack and Tess."  
  
"Mate, you are stupid, Tess loves you, not Jack, you know that. Now just give her some space."  
  
"I can't PJ, I'm going to find her."  
  
There was nothing either of us could do to stop him, so intent was he on finding his wife.  
  
"You'd do the same PJ, you know you would," PJ smiled at me, knowing I spoke the truth.  
  
We mingled for a while, and at times we had to talk to different people but the whole time, I kept my eyes on PJ not wanting to let him out of my sight. It had been far too long for us, and I wasn't prepared to let anyone or anything get in the way tonight.  
  
"Maggs, have we been here long enough?" he whispered in my ear, seeing my nod he continued, "let's go then."  
  
It was his turn this time, to lead me from the room, followed by the laughs and claps of everyone. As we reached the steps up to my room, I glanced out the main door. Standing, arms wrapped around each other, locked in a passionate kiss were Evan and Tess. I pulled PJ back slightly, kinking my head in their direction.  
  
"Go find a hotel room you two," he called out, causing them to both look up, laugh and wander off, arms still wrapped around each other, in the direction of the watch house. "C'mon Maggs, it's way past our time."  
  
Chris, ever the romantic had paid a little visit to my room, leaving a bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket. Sitting on the edge of the bed PJ pored us both a glass.  
  
"To." I started.  
  
"To you being alive, to you being home, to us. I never stopped loving you Maggie Doyle," gently we clinked glasses.  
  
He removed the glass from my hand, placing them both on the bedside table. Pulling me into his arms, our lips met, tentatively at first, increasing in pressure as our need for each other intensified. His tongue parted my lips as forcefully he sought the depths of my mouth. Gently his hands went to the buttons of my shirt, slowly undoing them one by one, kissing each new exposed piece of flesh. Raggedly I drew breath as his fevered lips torched my skin. Carefully, he drew my shirt down across my shoulders, dragging it from my arms. My jeans followed my top and with each new part of my body exposed to the chilly air PJ warmed it with his lips. Only when he removed my bra did I feel the loss of his lips, for they no longer caressed my skin.  
  
Silently he stared at me, his eyes raked the entire length of my body. I lay back amongst the pillows, drawing his body on top of mine, "I've missed you Maggie, so much."  
  
Gently I placed my fingertips to his lips, "Shhhh," I whispered, "Don't tell me.show me."  
  
PJ ground his lips into mine, plunging his tongue into the deep recesses of my mouth. He worked his way down the side of my neck, lower to the swell of my breast, as he nibbled I reached over to the bedside table, searching, "PJ wait!"  
  
"What? Oh, where is it?" he asked impatiently.  
  
"In my makeup bag PJ, but I left it on the bedside table, it's not there though. Try my bag," I pointed to where my bag lay on the floor.  
  
PJ sighed deeply, as he frantically searched through my clothes and underwear, "Hmmm, I like these Maggs," he said holding up a tiny scrap of black lace. Finding my makeup bag he came and sat on the bed beside me.  
  
"Just hurry PJ," I leaned over to nibble on the side of his neck, as he rummaged through my makeup bag.  
  
He pulled away from me, "Exactly what are these Maggie?"  
  
"Hopefully condoms," I laughed apprehensively.  
  
"Maggie," his voice was a warning. I looked at what he was holding.  
  
"Where were they?" I asked, a stupid question really considering he had only my makeup bag in his hand.  
  
"Well, where do you think?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
"They're not mine," I replied defensively.  
  
"Well the evidence certainly suggests otherwise."  
  
He unnerved me with his detective voice. I'd heard it so many times but never been on the receiving end of it.  
  
He moved off the bed to stand by the door, "Maggie, I have no choice, I suggest you get dressed, then we'll go to the station."  
  
"PJ, you've got to be joking, this is me, you know I wouldn't have drugs, PJ please."  
  
"No, I know the old Maggie wouldn't have drugs, I'm beginning to realize I don't know the new Maggie at all."  
  
His words cut deep; tears pricked my eyes as I scrambled around in search of my clothes, the whole time his back was turned to me, his stance suggesting his impatience to get going. We walked in silence to the station, PJ went straight to his office when we arrived making a quick call, I couldn't help but overhear.  
  
"I need you both down here now.no it can't bloody wait." Bang!  
  
Again the silence was deafening as we awaited the arrival of who I assumed and hoped would be Tess and Evan.  
  
"Took you two bloody long enough seeing as you only live next door. Now in my office," PJ grumbled when they came through the station door hand in hand.  
  
"Aww PJ you don't pick the best times, we were tied up," Evan laughed.  
  
"Get your mind back on the job Constable," PJ snapped.  
  
"PJ, what's wrong?" Tess reached over to place a hand in his arm. She gave me a worried look as she followed PJ.  
  
Once we were all seated at his desk he began, "I found these in Maggie's room, she denies that they're hers."  
  
"Of course I deny they're mine, simply because they're not. PJ, this is stupid."  
  
"Yeah, you're right Maggie - Maggie Doyle in possession. You're so stupid to think you could get away with it."  
  
"Hold on PJ, let's not jump to conclusions, you've no evidence to say that they're Maggie's," Tess spoke in a calming manner.  
  
"For fucks sake Tess, I found them in her make up bag in her room, what more bloody evidence do you need?"  
  
"For fucks sake PJ," I mimicked the anger in his voice, "I told you they're not mine, I also told you the bag wasn't where I left it. That evidence alone suggests someone may have been in my room.  
  
"She's right PJ," Tess said quietly. "Come on mate, let her go, we'll talk about this tomorrow."  
  
"We'll talk about this now," PJ muttered angrily.  
  
"Bloody hell, there's nothing to talk about, they're not mine, you can't charge me with anything, so I'm going. I'm sorry Tess, Evan, sorry he called you out, it's a waste of time."  
  
I didn't hang around any longer, couldn't bear to see the disdain in PJ's eyes. How he could possibly believe something like that, about me, of all people? Drugs had shattered the last decade of my life, there's no possible way I'd have them in my possession, PJ should know that, instinctively. But it wasn't only disdain, there was disappointment too, disappointment in me, in us, hell, I was disappointed too. This certainly wasn't the way I'd hoped the night would turn out.  
  
As I reached the top of the stairs, I slowed my pace, an uneasiness washing over me. From my vantage point I could see someone standing at my door, I didn't need to guess who.  
  
***  
  
"Something I can do for you?" I asked, hiding my anger behind a veil of sweetness.  
  
"Oh, no, I umm, thought I heard screaming. Is this your room?" Keeley asked, expecting me to believe her lies.  
  
"Oh, sorry, didn't realise you were so dedicated to your job," I played along with her little game, "by the way, yes this 'is' my room and if you'll excuse me," I pushed past her and closed the door in her face.  
  
I hoped my sarcasm wasn't lost on her, I'm sure it wasn't, she seemed like an intelligent woman, too intelligent. Intelligent enough to.no I couldn't assume anything; she was a copper for crying out loud. But still a niggling thought kept me awake till the early hours of the morning when finally my body gave in and I fell asleep.  
  
I awoke when my mobile rang, Tess calling to see if I was okay. I assured her I was; although I had been hoping the events of last night were simply a bad dream. Unfortunately they weren't. Tess asked me if I could make my way down to the station sometime before two, not realizing it was so late and presuming I had plenty of time, I had a shower and went to have a chat to Chris - discreetly I needed to ask her some questions. "Chris, something happened last night," I said as I placed sugar in the coffee she'd just handed me. "Yeah, was kinda hoping it might," she grinned suggestively. "No, Chris, not that, well it started to but then PJ found something in my room, something that implicates me in a serious crime, but something that isn't mine." "Maggie, is everything alright?" she asked, concern etched over her features. "Not really Chris," I answered sombrely. "Last night, you went into my room." "Maggie, surely you're not suggesting." I stopped her mid sentence knowing what her question would be, "No, Chris, of course I know you wouldn't put anything in my room, but someone did. Did you see anyone near my room last night?"  
  
"I went up to your room, you'd just come in with PJ, looking so much in love, anyway I went up to leave you a bottle of champagne, thought it would be a nice touch," Chris rambled.  
  
"Yes Chris it was lovely, but did you see anyone?" I asked somewhat impatiently.  
  
"Only Keeley, she was up there, hanging around, but you don't think.I mean I know she's not the nicest person but."  
  
"Well I don't know her Chris but you're gonna have to tell Tess and PJ what you saw, okay?"  
  
"Yeah, course I will, you want to go now?"  
  
I nodded finishing my coffee, "Let's go," I said standing and making my way to the door.  
  
"PJ loves you Maggie," Chris said placing an arm around my shoulders.  
  
"I know he does Chris, but right now he's playing detective, copper first, PJ and I have always agreed on that," I couldn't help a sigh escaping me, I could say the words but did I believe them? Maybe it would just be easier to clear my name and head back to Melbourne, leave PJ to his life, get on with my own. But having seen PJ again, I couldn't imagine life without him.  
  
He called me into his office as soon as Chris and I got there, "Word Mags?"  
  
I nodded silently before following him through, briefly returning Tess' smile as I walked past her.  
  
"Maggie, I'm sorry about last night, you know I have to do this, I'm a ."  
  
"Yeah PJ I know," I interrupted him, "You're a copper first, but you don't seriously believe I would have anything to do with drugs?"  
  
"Not the Maggie Doyle I used to know," he smiled at the obvious memory.  
  
"I'm still her PJ, if anything even more against drugs than I was before, trust me," I took both his hands in mine, "please PJ they're not mine. Talk to Chris, she has some information that may help."  
  
"She was on our list of people to talk to?"  
  
"I want to sit in on it PJ," I stated.  
  
"That's not exactly protocol Maggie, you'll have to let me run it past Tess first."  
  
"Yeah whatever," I muttered defeat entering my voice.  
  
As it happened I was allowed to sit in, as Tess said, it was an informal chat anyway.  
  
"What's this information you have Chris?" asked PJ all business.  
  
"PJ, I was going upstairs last night to you know, put some champagne in Maggie's room," Chris started.  
  
"How come we've never had champagne?" asked Tess jokingly.  
  
"Book in for a dirty weekend and I might just treat ya," Chris laughed. "Anyway, when I got to the top of the stairs Keeley was hanging around."  
  
"Senior Constable Keeley Bracks?" asked Tess, at Chris' affirmation Tess continued, "PJ I think we should make this official now, let's go to the interview room. Maggie you're gonna have to stay out for now, I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm allowed someone with me, aren't I?" asked Chris.  
  
Tess nodded, "Good thinking Chris, right let's go."  
  
Chris repeated all she had said, minus the dirty weekend comment for the tape and the interview continued.  
  
"I saw her hanging round Maggie's door, she was leaning against it, maybe listening, I don't know. When she saw me she crouched down and pretended she was looking for an earring."  
  
"Keeley doesn't wear earrings PJ," noted Tess.  
  
"Hmm, so Chris you went in and put the bottle in the room, then what?"  
  
"When I came out, there was music coming from Keeley's room, but I didn't see her."  
  
"So it's feasible that she went into Maggie's room after you left, she would have known no one was in there?" Tess asked.  
  
"Yeah she would've cos she was behind me when I opened the door, she could see right in. I didn't think anything of it Maggie, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Not your fault Chris," I assured her. "Plus we don't actually know she was in there. We need proof. Key's still kept in the office, easy access?"  
  
"Yeah they are," Chris admitted.  
  
"Maggie was there anything missing from your room, have you been through your gear?" asked Tess.  
  
"No, stupid really didn't even think of it. I'll check as soon as I get back."  
  
"We'll go now Maggie, Keeley isn't on duty, if we're lucky she'll still be at the Imperial, I'll bring her back with me PJ," instructed Tess.  
  
I searched through my meagre possessions when we got back to my room. Nothing seemed to be missing; I didn't really have much worth taking. It wasn't until I reached up to play with my necklace, a habit I'd picked up over the years, a habit born from frustration. I was frustrated now, knowing they weren't my drugs but having found nothing to incriminate another. As I reached up to find the necklace missing from where it always hung around my neck, I remembered removing the night of the party. I'd blow dried my hair, the heat from the dryer on the necklace had been burning my bare skin and so I'd removed it, placing it on the bedside table, intending to put it back on straight away - I must've forgotten. Quickly I knelt beside the bed, searching on the floor, half hoping it would be there, half- hoping whoever had been in my room had taken it.  
  
"Maggie, what is it?" Tess asked.  
  
"My necklace Tess, PJ gave it to me for Christmas, it's a locket, gold heart shaped, inside was a picture of PJ, and on the back it said 'love always PJ'. I wear it every day, it's not here," I recounted the reason as to why I'd removed it.  
  
"So chances are whoever was in your room will have the necklace. We'll find it Maggie."  
  
"Do you think Keeley would be stupid enough? I mean you would know her better than me," I asked.  
  
"Maggie, you and I, I'd like to think we're friends, and because we're friends you'll understand that I can't discuss Keeley with you."  
  
"Yeah I know, sorry, I didn't mean to put you in that position."  
  
"Stay here Maggie, we'll keep in touch. Right now, I'm going to get Keeley and take her back to the station."  
  
It was the longest afternoon, the minutes ticked by so slowly. I sat, I laid, I paced, I looked out the small window onto the narrow alley that ran beside the pub. It had never occurred to me before but the guest room windows looked out onto rubbish bins - only in Mt. Thomas! In the distance I could hear the church bells chiming the hour, the children going home from school, life was continuing in Mt.Thomas, but for me my life, I guess pretty much like it has been since Mick 'killed' me, was on hold.  
  
Tess had said to stay put but no matter how much I liked her, and I did, I wasn't a little puppy dog, meek and abiding. I needed to be where the action was, so grabbing my back I headed to the station. Coming from the door as I went to open it, I was confronted with a barrage of insults.  
  
"You bitch, you're in town for like 2 minutes and you're trying to fit me up for dealing in drugs. Scared you won't get your darling little boyfriend back, you gotta destroy the competition!" Keeley yelled.  
  
"Senior Constable Bracks inside now!" I'd never heard Tess' authoritative tone before; it certainly wasn't one you would want to ignore in a hurry.  
  
"No! Stuff the lot of you," she walked down the path.  
  
"Senior Constable, I've given you a direct order, disobey it and you will find yourself with, at the very least a formal admonishment. I suggest you think very carefully," Tess' voice remained calm, not raised an octave above normal, but that she expected Kelley's obedience was a certainty.  
  
"I don't care, if my Senior Sergeant prefers to trust someone she's known for a mere two days, well fuck it, what's the point?"  
  
I saw PJ appear to stand behind Tess, "Keeley, listen to her, be sensible."  
  
Keeley turned to look at PJ, her features softening with the obvious calming effect PJ had on her. Brushing past Tess and PJ she sullenly made her way back into the station.  
  
I sat at my old desk, now Jonesy's, trying to make out any part of the conversation going on between PJ, Tess and Keeley in Tess' office. The blinds were up and I could see the frustration etched on all their faces. Their body language speaking volumes I could see it wasn't a pleasant discussion. Noting that the conversation seemed to be nearing an end, I grabbed a magazine from my back pretending to be engrossed in that.  
  
"You satisfied, bitch!" hissed Keeley close to my ear as she passed me on her way to the locker room.  
  
"Senior Constable!" warned Tess. "Remember our recent discussion?"  
  
"Yes Boss," into the locker room she went slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Right, well that went well," muttered PJ.  
  
"Hmm, keep her as calm as you can, she's a loose canon PJ."  
  
"Just finding that one out thanks Tess. C'mon Mags, I'm taking you for a drink," he looked at Tess questioningly.  
  
"Yeah that's fine, just stay away from Keeley for the time being. I'll keep her here as long as I can, hopefully we'll have the warrant by then. As soon as I've got it I'll bring it down to the Imperial."  
  
PJ ordered us both a coffee and we took a seat in the corner of the bar as far away from prying eyes as possible. "Do you believe she did it PJ? I asked.  
  
"Mags, you know I can't discuss it with you," he said quietly.  
  
"Talk to me as PJ Hasham, not Detective Hasham."  
  
"One and the same Maggie, you know that."  
  
"No, I don't believe that, It wasn't the detective that held me in his arms as I lay 'dying' and it wouldn't have been the detective that grieved for his mother. PJ Hasham and Detective Hasham are not the same people." My philosophy on life had changed a lot over the years, I wasn't the same person that left Mt. Thomas so many years ago, couldn't possibly be that person again.  
  
"Copper first Mags, remember," he smiled obviously remembering one of the many times we discussed this issue.  
  
"Yeah, I know that, but this is me PJ, Maggie Doyle," I pleaded.  
  
"No Maggie, I can't and won't discuss the case with you. You are still a suspect after all."  
  
"You still consider me a suspect? Right, well at least I know where I stand, enjoy your coffee PJ," I couldn't help myself, knowing that PJ still considered me a suspect, knowing that he actually still thought the drugs may have been mine. I stormed through the bar, up the stairs and to my room, flopping face down on the bed when I got there. I know it was a childish reaction but it was borne from a complete frustration.  
  
  
  
I lay there for a while my mind churning over and over the events of the last few days. The night of the party Keeley and myself were Chris only guests but then all the others had turned up. Nick and Zoë had driven straight back to Melbourne after the party, Jo had gone out to stay with Ben and Siobhan, which only left Jack, if he had stayed at the Imperial it's possible he saw something.  
  
I knocked softly on his door, listening for his permission to enter. When it came I opened the door sticking my head round first, "Alright if we have a chat Jack?" I asked, sensitive to his feelings.  
  
"Sounds good Maggie, here okay, or you want to go down stairs?"  
  
"Here's fine, here's probably better, too many people staring at us both down there, feel like you're in a bloody gold fish bowl."  
  
We chit chatted for a while, unimportant stuff about the people we had both worked with, Ben, Dash, Jo, about life in Mt Thomas, the things we missed and those we didn't.  
  
"Not easy is it Jack?"  
  
"Coming back?" he asked, in tune with my feelings. As I nodded he continued, "Nah, bloody hard Maggie, never expected a huge home coming, don't know what I expected really. You know, I don't know if I ever would've come back if it weren't for you. I really wanted to see." he stopped short.  
  
"It's okay Jack, I know about you and Tess."  
  
"She told you about me," he asked hopefully.  
  
"Sorry, no, I.I, umm, saw you and her in the station the other night, then PJ told me a little. She's moved on Jack, she really does love Evan," I didn't want to crush him more but he had to know he was chasing a lost cause.  
  
"I love her Maggie, don't know when it happened, couldn't put my finger on it. Do you know about the shooting Maggie?" Jack asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah Jack," I nodded, "I kept up with what was going on via the net, there wasn't much I missed about life in Mt Thomas."  
  
"It happened after the shooting, there was something there, little things, I could tell she cared about me more than she felt she should. Tess is a bit of a stickler," he smiled. "She was worth the wait Maggie, I really did love her, still do, but."  
  
"Why did you do it Jack? I mean, you had your career, the love of the woman you loved, why? I guess you've had plenty of time to ask yourself that question?"  
  
"I dunno, I haven't been able to come up with a reason, well not a valid one anyway, not one that would satisfy me, let alone anyone else. I can't blame Tess, took her long enough to let me in and then I threw it all away," he sat there shaking his head.  
  
"Jack how were things between you and Tess the other night, how did it end?"  
  
"She told me she loved her husband, that things with him are different to what we had, she said she loved me, but that with him, they connect on another level, emotional intimacy, she said."  
  
"And you're not buying it?" I could sense his hesitation.  
  
"Nah, I dunno Maggie, just doesn't sound like the Tess I know - I guess she's changed."  
  
"You know Jack, life has a habit of doing that to you, all our experiences good or bad, and you and I have had plenty enough bad to last a lifetime. They change us Jack, they have to, how could be possibly go through everything we do and still be the same. Mate, I've seen them together, they're solid, rock solid, completely in love." I hated to do it to him, hated to crush him so completely, the look on his face said it all. "Maybe, given time you could still be friends, I get the feeling Tess would be a pretty special friend to have."  
  
Jack didn't look convinced, " I love her Maggie, you can't be 'just' friends with someone you love. If PJ was involved with someone else, could you be just friends, honestly?"  
  
I nodded, "Like to think I could. Let's face it Jack, I've lived without him for so many years, I coped, sometimes you have to," I replied quietly. "Who says life is gonna go on perfectly for PJ and me, I'm not expecting it too, especially now."  
  
"Especially now?" he queried.  
  
I sat on the bed shaking my head looking out the window, "I've been set up Jack. Drugs of all things and PJ considers me a suspect."  
  
"Whoa, Maggie start at the beginning, none of that makes sense."  
  
"Tell me about it," I muttered sarcastically. "The night of the party, PJ and I were in my room, y'know, PJ reached for my makeup bag and found a bag of drugs. They weren't mine, everyone else seems to believe me 'cept PJ - so he's labelled me suspect number one."  
  
"Maggie have you thought that PJ feels he 'has' to think like that in case someone says his feelings for you are clouding his judgement. He can't afford to let his feelings get in the way, Tess did with me, would've cost her job, but she saw sense. She didn't want to believe it could possibly be me, she looked at all other avenues but not once did she think or believe it was me. I could see her devastation when she found out the truth, maybe Maggie, PJ is trying to protect himself as well."  
  
"Yeah but Jack, PJ knows I wouldn't have anything to do with drugs, he knows me, if he remembers nothing else, he should remember that drugs wrecked my.no, our lives."  
  
"They did but Maggie you said yourself, you've changed. PJ would instinctively trust the old Maggie, but the new one, the one he hasn't had any contact with for so many years, well the job has to come first, don't blame him for that, don't let the job come between you. Let PJ do what he has to do, let him prove your innocence, cos I'm sure that's what he will be trying to do."  
  
I sat quietly for a few moments, allowing Jack's words to filter through my mind, a mind that found the thought of PJ believing me a suspect abhorrent. It made sense, Jack's words, but I couldn't help the little niggling thought that implicitly PJ should trust me. The hurt and humiliation that he didn't was something I'd rather not deal with - but deal with it I had to.  
  
"It's funny you know Jack," he looked at me quizzically, "You and me, advising each other, we should listen to our own advice."  
  
"Yeah, guess you're right," he mumbled obviously deep in thought.  
  
"Jack," I broke him form his reverie, "I have to ask you something about the party night - did you see anything, anything at all Jack?"  
  
"Not that I can think of, I came straight from my Ute into the party, went to the station, I dunno, round ten I guess, had that 'chat' with Tess, came straight back to my room after that, didn't really feel like socialising. There was someone standing at the door two doors down from mine, nothing suspicious though."  
  
"Two doors down Jack, you sure?" He nodded. "Blonde, 165 cms, slim build, black pants, hot pink short sleeved top, buttons down the front?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah, why Maggie, who is she?"  
  
"Jack, you have to tell PJ, tell him what you saw," I pleaded.  
  
"That's not a problem, I'll go straight down to the station now if you want."  
  
"No, now's not a good time, but you know what, we're so stupid. Bugger the rest of this town, let's go down and get a drink," I stood moving towards the door, Jack following closely behind me.  
  
We sat at a table both of us doing the best we could to ignore the stares. A few times I noticed someone about to make their way over to say hello but then seeing my companion they backed off. I was thankful that Jack had taken the sit facing away from the door; thankful he couldn't see the way people were looking at him.  
  
We had nearly finished our drinks when Tess, Evan and Keeley walked in; Jack followed my gaze this time his eyes meeting Tess'. She looked back at Evan almost asking his permission, but it wasn't that, it was a mutual respect thing, letting him know she wouldn't come over if he preferred she didn't. Yes, I could see they were a very happily married couple. Evan gently nodded his head indicating he was okay with the situation; I could just make out Tess' smile to her husband.  
  
As Evan and Keeley made their way up the stairs, Tess walked over to the table, "Maggie, Jack," she said avoiding looking at Jack.  
  
"Tess, I've been speaking to Jack about the night of the party, he may be able to help."  
  
Tess looked at Jack raising her eyebrows, "Right," she drawled, "I'm sorry but I don't know whether Jack would be considered a reliable witness, considering his past, but, if he has information that may help, we'll listen. I'm just going upstairs to help with the search, Jack can come back to the station with us," she spoke to me as if Jack wasn't there yet the whole time her eyes never left his.  
  
I really believed that Tess and Evan were rock solid, but her actions here at the table proved to me Jack and Tess had unfinished business, business that if she didn't deal with it, could, in the future damage her relationship with her husband.  
  
"Anyway, umm, Maggie," finally she looked at me, "I better go join the others. Jack." And with that Tess trode purposefully towards the stairs.  
  
"You have to talk to her Jack," I demanded his attention, his eyes riveted on the retreating form of the woman he loved.  
  
Jack scoffed, "One minute you tell me she's completely in love with her husband, the next you're saying I have to talk to her, like it's really gonna make a difference."  
  
"I think it would do you both good to talk, but hey," I held up both my hands in mock surrender, "I can't talk, can I?"  
  
Both of us ordered another drink and sat together in contemplative silence, it wasn't uncomfortable in the way some silences can be, I know I took comfort in Jack's presence, hoped he did the same from me.  
  
The police presence, minus Keeley, descended on us once again, their faces set like masks completely unreadable. This time it was Evan that approached the table, "Mr Lawson, I believe you're accompanying us to the station, we're ready now, so if you'd kindly follow me."  
  
Evan's officious tone took me by surprise; I guess he was trying to show Jack who was boss. I smiled reassuringly at Jack.  
  
"I'd like Maggie to come too, please," he asked.  
  
"I don't think." Evan looked over to where Tess stood, she nodded her approval, "Fine, let's go then," he said.  
  
Jack's information yielded little success in clearing my name, it just verified that Keeley had been by the door at around the right time, didn't prove anything either way. Jack left as soon as he'd spoken to PJ and Ben, Tess having locked herself in her office as soon as she left the interview room.  
  
I sat once again at my old desk waiting to speak to PJ, maybe clear the air a little, after all Jack had been right. I watched as Evan knocked briefly and went into Tess' office, tried not to listen to their conversation, but couldn't but overhear a few words, 'Jack', 'uncomfortable', 'it's over'. It was obvious what they were talking about, but I was reassured seeing Tess reach up to kiss Evan, then close and 'lock' the door.  
  
Before I had a chance to move from my chair, PJ came striding from his office, across the station to knock on Tess' door, "Not a good idea PJ," I whispered.  
  
"Huh? Why not?" he asked.  
  
"Think about it, Evan and Tess, closed door."  
  
"Ahhhh, I get it," he laughed.  
  
"What's going on PJ? I need to know. My life's been on hold for so long with Witness, I don't want to start all that again," he opened his mouth as if to speak but I continued, "I don't want to know your opinion on Keeley, I just want to know where I stand, where you're at with investigation."  
  
"Nowhere really, Maggie," he sighed. "We found nothing in her room, no drugs, no necklace." He smiled at me, "you still wear it huh?"  
  
"Why wouldn't I? I gotta ask PJ, have u looked outside the Imperial, maybe whoever it was that took my necklace dumped it, it's of no value to anyone else."  
  
"Let's go, Ben?" he called.  
  
"Mmmm?" came the muffled response from PJ's office, where Ben was still ensconced.  
  
"We're going scavenging, c'mon make it snappy."  
  
"Righto, give me a break. Maggie!" he smiled, obviously he hadn't realised I was at the station. He came over to give me a kiss.  
  
"Mate!" PJ warned.  
  
I couldn't help it, I laughed at both of them, hitting PJ on the arm I walked from the station.  
  
The bins were disgusting, the stench overpowering, luckily I didn't have to go searching in them, left that job to PJ and Ben. I wandered around, hoping that I wasn't looking too obvious, after all I wasn't part of the case but my eyes were still peeled for anything I might see. Luckily it wasn't me that found it hidden down behind the back of the bins.  
  
"This is Peej?" asked Ben holding it in his gloved hand.  
  
"Yep, doubt we'll get any prints off it tho," his dismissive tone caught me off guard, something I didn't expect.  
  
My feelings of helplessness intensified into an anger I hadn't felt in a long time. Running from alley into the Imperial and up the stairs I had no plan, just a feeling I couldn't let this go on any longer. I didn't even knock just opened the door and went in.  
  
"Why'd you do it? Was it just purely jealousy?" I asked, surprising her from where she sat on her bed.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied coldly.  
  
"Yeah, you do, you're not that stupid. You planted drugs in my room, stole my necklace, thinking you were smart. Thing is you don't 'know' me; you don't know that I would 'never' have drugs anywhere near me. So you stuffed up didn't you, not as smart as you think."  
  
"You're a bitch Maggie Doyle, constantly on his brain, if it wasn't for you I would've stood half a chance. Was getting somewhere till you came back from the dead. But you'll never pin it on me, never have enough evidence and if you think I'm admitting to it," she spat at my feet, "think again!"  
  
A movement behind me made me turn to see Ben and PJ in the door, "Keeley Bracks you're un." Ben started, before PJ stopped him with a hand on his arm.  
  
"No, allow me the pleasure," he walked over to Keeley, "Keeley Bracks, you're under arrest for possession of an illegal substance, you are not obliged to say anything, or do anything. Anything you say or do may be used against you in the court of law. you have the right to contact a friend or family member to tell them your whereabouts. And that's just for starters, Ben get her out of here, I'll let Tess know what's happened," he came over to me then, wrapping his arms tightly around me, "It's over Maggs, over!"  
  
"You okay Maggie?" Tess was by my side the moment I walked into the station.  
  
"Yeah," I nodded, "just glad it's over."  
  
"Come on, we don't need to be here, PJ and Ben can handle things, I'm knocking off, they can meet us at the pub."  
  
"You sure? What about my statement?" I asked.  
  
"Yep, Evan and I can take that then we'll go, can't wait for a drink."  
  
It was kind of like a celebration in the Imperial that night, even more so than the night of the party, even Tess seemed to be comfortable talking to Jack. Everyone was there, Ben, Tess and Evan, the Boss, Jo, Jack and of course PJ, it felt like family and I guess this group of people, some I hadn't even known long, were the only family I had. We had fun, plain and simple, we laughed, drank, talked, drank, ate and drank. The kind of thing that really hadn't happened to me since I was last in Mt. Thomas.  
  
I enjoyed myself but it was time. "Take me home PJ," I whispered in his ear. He didn't need me to ask a second time.  
  
I couldn't help but laugh when we got there, "and this from the bloke who said he'd 'never' live in the bush. Seriously PJ it's gorgeous, I love it."  
  
"Good," he reached over to gently kiss me, "welcome home Maggs."  
  
I allowed him to lead me into the house, looking around, I couldn't help but think that photo's of our children should have adorned the mantle piece, instead of the lonely photo of me. On another cupboard sat a few photo's of Helena, I went over, reaching out to run my fingers over the glass, "I wish I'd been here for you PJ."  
  
"I wish I'd been there for you, through everything, I had my friends to help me through Maggie, but it wasn't the same," he wrapped his arms around me drawing me into his embrace. Nibbling gently on my ear he made a suggestion I couldn't help laughing at, my old PJ was back.  
  
"Constable Doyle, I think it's time you saw the bedroom."  
  
Constable Doyle, I liked the sound of that, it had been so long, technically I was still a member of the Victoria Police, but was I ready to give up the degree I'd worked so hard for, only time would tell. And I couldn't think about anything with the way PJ was nibbling on my neck. Tomorrow.the next day, day after.there was plenty of time for that. 


End file.
